BREAKING NEWS: Daniel Bryan Signs With UFC After Retiring From WWE
Former WWE US Champion Daniel Bryan shocked the world today when he announced his retirement from the company that did everything they could possibly do to hold him back. Prior to his appearance on tonight’s Monday Night RAW, the former WWE Tag Team Champion sent out the following heartfelt tweet;
This news came as a low blow to fans who have been eagerly waiting almost a year for the former WWE Money in the Bank winner to return to the squared circle.
Speaking exclusively to 27fps, WWE Chairman Vince McMahon expressed sympathy that Bryan’s YES Movement would no longer be occupying RAW but was adamant that Daniel’s departure would truly be Best For Business.
“Look, we’ve done at least two tests on Daniel Bryan since his injury last April and while he is medically well enough to compete in a WWE ring, our doctors have determined that he just isn’t as strong as [Roman] Reigns. Now, we’re not in the business of making Reigns look strong. I mean, if we were, I would have kept Bryan around just so Reigns beat him every week! That sure would have made Reigns…. look… strooong….. SHIT!”
Mr. McMahon then hung up the phone screaming “I need a Doctor in here!” it has been reported that the Dr. of Thugonomics John Cena answered that call alongside a few referees.
But as Uncle Ben (no rice) famously said; “with great loss, comes great opportunities” and UFC were quick to capitalise on this revelation by snapping up the former WWE Intercontinental Champion, offering him a six-year deal to perform Running Knee’s and Yes Lock’s in the octagon.
Effective immediately after tonight’s “Sure to bore episode of RAW”, the former WWE World Heavyweight Champion will be joining his ex-comrade CM “Post-It Note” Punk on the ever-expanding UFC roster. In a since deleted Instagram video, UFC boss Dana White appeared to be very excited about his latest signee, declaring “UFC 200 is set to become UFC YES-hundred! (patent pending)”
For wrestling fans who hate those that aren’t as strong a Reigns, you may want to check out WWE 2K16: Current Roster Edition which hits stores next week. For more on Daniel Bryan be sure to check out his biopic, Total Divas every Sunday on E!